Notes to Self here. Sometimes, poetry is best spat out and thought forms left untied…
Jai Ma
When She opens,
She swallows me whole.
She sits me into Herself
singing through my pores
She shifts space-time and people
and my wildest noticings
of what is,
and is possible.
coming out again,
in newborn skin
a baby birthed in the arms of Grace.
The more I look, the more I find
no one
and no thing
and no where
I cannot find the Truth,
or Love
or Self
Sound or Silence,
Remember there is only One happening,
anatomy and astronomy
and all accumulated in-between,
every story a story of Us.
Can you feel, Beloved?
it was Love all the way down,
skin to bone,
core to Source.
I made a non-haiku about it-
No coming no going
Now Gravity now Grace
I bow to That which makes
Everything into Itself.
New timeline. New animal body.
Attuning to all the substance gathered over Lifetimes. All of my ground through all of my body for all of my reasons.
And, I pray for you now
that you be so lucky
that you weep,
your head on the ground,
your snot run into the grass
your fingernails full of dirt
your body covered in mud
your guts inside out
your shame spilling over
your fears uncontained
your heart become prayer
crawling on your belly
through the river of hell
all the way down to heaven,
bowing to the great glory of
this being alive, laughing crying,
in the heart of the womb of the Mother,
cradled in the arms of the Father
at the foot of Grace,
blessed like me-
to be destroyed, annihilated,
only to be remade, renewed,
re-born-
over and over again
as the unchanged,
with your quiet yes
to take and be taken in.
Will you let love have its way with you?
I’m writing a new course called Homecoming (details will be here soon), and coming Home I am.
This process has been baking for a few years, the preparation has been visceral. It’ll never end and I’m ready.
Today, we went wide and deep. From I to Us- we went for it and it was beautiful. I wish you had been there Beloved. I let my fear become fire, and we became the Whole. Did you know your heart can fly you to the moon- or back Home to yourSelf?
Tears poured. Paradigms shifted. Hearts opened. Minds dissolved. Distance melted. We softened. We sat in the field as the field of Love. Tears and smiles. Embracing and transcending our stories, tending to the little mundane details of togetherness, here on the ground. Human to human. Heart to Heart. Love to Love.
And still, a stalwart in the field was triggered by my mere description, by this business of I to us, this phrasing of the social nervous system, even before coming to meet us in it- which is interesting. Mostly, I’m excited that I’m excited about it!
You be where you are and I bless you and I bless myself, and the space between us and the process, which is such. May my invitation into a new paradigm be a doorway of transformation that trigger points to and be used fully and efficiently for your liberation and mine. As I often remind myself- I serve Truth, not pain.
Lesson learned. Now anchor it into my being and use me God.
Make me a blessing to everything I meet.
I’ll make everything I meet a blessing to me.
I’m an infant again, and still, I’m devoted to this. Thank you, more please. I am available to Grace.
Can I stay Love- praise or adoration, love or activation, devotion or denial in you or me? To let myself see what I see and know what I know and feel what I feel? Can you, Beloved?
What Love is there to buy or sell? When I am Love and you are too, Beloved?
When I am listening and honoring the only thing I bow to- the call of God as my innermost harmonic? Hmm?
Maybe, we aren’t used to it in the west, like we are in India. Apnaapan– assumed belonging, assumed togetherness. An ongoing conversation with ourselves through each other.
Here, we are I’s and Me’s and very important individuals- my achievement, my awakening, my healing, my cultivation. What is that?
And, I love my I, my Me, and yours and honor it, I do. Sometimes too much- prey to the seduction. But that I only exists in the field of the other, as Jacques Lacan said. The field I’m pointing directly to. When I start from wholeness I meet it in all its fractals as That. Other way around, we could be hamster wheeling infinitely. Most are.
I made a word for it when I wrote Writes of Passage– a word I love feeling and speaking- Relationscapes– because it wanted to be named and licked and touched and drank and sang- you know? The interconnected web of All Things- human, animal, plant, elemental, imagined…Like landscapes, but relational. Because Beloved, everything is talking to everything. In the quiet. In the feeling beingness of being. God feels you.
It’s visceral darling, just feel. Don’t you know the sacred elements and the plants and the animals and the places and the people you meet and the one you call your beloved and the one who triggers you and the forces of the unseen and the archetypes that feed you and the Gods in the Goddesses who surround you and the lines of Light that move as your body and your heart and your spirit and Source and the atoms that make up the stars and the great beyond as your Self?
No? The best of us forget, so here, we remember. Together.
That’s Life’s invitation to you, and mine- a full blooded yes, to All There Is. That wants to be…that irresistible call of Life- the sacred inner fire you may have left behind. The ultimate alchemy.
Echoes of all the years I’ve prepared for this moment are still reverberating in my bones. Hell, writing about it is a big one- and letting you see it is a whole other.
Sharing the beauty way.
I hope Life does to you regularly, what the face of a friend, the sight of a flower can do to me, what waterfalls and feet in the mud and moss do to me. I need this raw, wild, untamed, beauty more than bread. Can you feel the pink in the yellow of these heart holding roses? How they curl into themselves and invite me in…radiating my soul, blessing my Life.
So much beauty, so much joy,
So much pain, so much Grace
Freeing the feeling being.
Feeling the freeing being!
“Humans want some things, God wants everything” my Yoga teacher quoted Ana Sui (?).
I forget her name but I remember her words and that I cried.
Isn’t that the most devastatingly beautiful Truth, Beloved?
I’m on the floor here.
Just walking in the dark, so I can be sure of my footsteps.
Will you say yes to the adventure of your one Life and walk with me?
Letting our inner smiles guide us the whole way through. You back to me, me back to you.
Us back to Us.
What else?
; )
In Gratitude,
In Grace–
Thank you Shiva. Thank you Shakti. Thank you Maha Durga. Thank you Maha Kali. Thank you Ardhanareeshwara. Thank you Arunachala Shiva. Thank you water, thank you fire, thank you air, thank you earth and thank you space. Thank you all the elements made into my body, the body of the world.
Thank you David 1, thank you Yeshi, thank you Jesse, thank you Ellie, thank you Janet, thank you Tonya, thank you Danya, thank you Erin, thank you David 2, thank you my intrepid soul. Thank you my whole soul family.
Thank you Mt. Madonna. Thank you Prince st. Thank you Mt. Tam., thank you Muir Beach, thank you Harbin, thank you ocean, thank you love, and beauty and joy and coherence, thank you songs that don’t stop coming, and cries and whimpers and wails, and screams, thank you silence, thank you ignorance, thank you innocence, thank you cultivation, thank you ancestors, thank you activation, thank you pain, thank you attachment, thank you projection, thank you reclamation, thank you power, thank you speed, thank you slowness, thank you helplessness, thank you shame, thank you opposition, thank you anger, thank you fear, thank you desire, thank you trees, thank you eagle, thank you hummingbird, thank you whales, thank you lions and tigers and butterflies and moths, thank you relationscapes of Love, as form and formlessness. Thank you hamster wheels, thank you master keys, thank you forgetting, thank you re-membering, thank you, this and this and this…
For blessings beyond measure. May we take it All in and make it into ourselves.
All the way.
I came to put it all together and go all the way through.
Take my hand and cross me over.
I’m living proof that Reality is a Miracle.
And so my Beloved, are you.
Just see-
we’re here, aren’t we?
Thank you God. More, so much more please.
Jai Ma
wanderings + wonderings 