“In the dark night of the soul, bright flows the river of God.”
– St. John of the Cross, a Spanish mystic and reformer of the Carmelite Order
If I don’t paint I forget who I am here- in the skin and the body and the world. I was painting my experience of Shiva and Shakti dancing here. There’s the safety and the darkness of the womb, the feminine space impregnated by the light of intention.
Sometimes it feels like mayhem.
Like coming out the birth canal. How many wombs am I going to crawl out of? I wonder. How many lifetimes will I squeeze in this one?
That I be so lucky.
That I am so blessed.
I painted this one in the heart of going through a tunnel I suspect I’m still climbing through. It was a moment of Grace. Can you feel it? Notice the gold highlights? I know it isn’t the best picture but…I’m posting it here today to anchor these words from St. John of the cross. I mean, I’ve known this truth, I’ve named this truth, but in these words…oooffff. Electrifying.
“In the dark night of the soul, bright flows the river of God.”
I feel you beloved brother, St. John of the cross. And I feel it, the flow.
Reminded me, there’s a story in the Mahabharata, where Krishna grants one of his devotees a boon. And she, she asks for more suffering. “Why?” He asks.
“Because I notice you’re closest to me in the times I suffer.” She said.
May my longing stay simple.
May all my words my actions my thoughts my plans my ego’s defenses be offered to this bright river of God.
And you-
Whoever you are, wherever you are,
May you be bathed in this knowing.
Whatever chasm you find yourself in,
may you know Grace in your bones
as God carries you ashore
Here we go…
wanderings + wonderings 